July, 2016. It was my first time in Canada. I’d moved to the USA from Australia about a year earlier, and was excited about going to this new and (for me) undiscovered place, where I could write certain words with the “u” inserted, and enjoy as much poutine, unlimited pancakes and house-brand wine at the Denny’s across from the hotel (Denny’s in Utah does not serve liquor, so this was a key factor in mine and my friend’s twice-daily “Denny’s Runs”). I was in Calgary, Alberta to watch the second Men’s Roller Derby World Cup, attending in support of Team Australia. I was excited to watch the athleticism, the rivalry that had been built up from the previous World Cup in Birmingham, England, and of course, I was excited to bond with old friends and meet new people in the community.
If you’re not aware with the culture in the Roller Derby community, let me break down some key features. With its revival rooted in the empowerment of female and queer communities and body positivity, derby pushed the boundaries of “appropriate” at the time of its comeback — in terms of dress, behaviour, interaction and relationships. Starting my derby journey in 2012, the sport and associated community certainly opened my eyes to the defiance of prescribed societal standards of dress (and was where I begun to embrace showing skin that had previously not seen the light), the acceptance of physical embrace among friends of all genders, and the fluidity of various relationships. In my then-league, we were proud that members felt empowered to explore their identity in whichever way they saw fit, as long as people were respectful and “didn’t cross the clear lines”. Or so we thought, at the time.
I remember, at times, feeling some discomfort at the behaviour of some people (of all genders) during tournaments and after-parties. The incomparable Jennings from Rose City Rollers wrote an excellent piece detailing some of the behaviour that happens during these events, and rather than re-invent the wheel, I will link her piece here. But one part in particular stood out for me:
“….breach of consent, harassment, assault and violence happen in roller derby all the time.
Every after party.
Every boot camp.
Every Rollercon.
And for some? Every practice, fundraiser and league meeting.”
I was taken back to instances where the actions and behaviours Jennings mentioned happened and I was there. Or that it happened to me. Or that I made somebody feel uncomfortable. After being linked her article by a good friend, and absorbing it as a learning and growing opportunity, I quickly remembered what happened in July 2016. And the aftermath.
The USA had just defeated Australia, by a considerable score. Spirits were high from both teams, as well as the crowd — Australia had given an excellent performance, and the audience was filled with joy for all involved. After a game, it is tradition for skaters to skate around the track, and “slap hands” with the crowd. This had grown into becoming a “human tunnel”, with the audience standing facing towards each other, hands together in the air, and the skaters rolling through this. The tunnel happened after this particular game. I was with two girlfriends who I had become closer to during this time. The US men’s team skated through — hand slaps were going well, everyone congratulating the skaters. All of a sudden, one bearded skater rolled up to me, and placed both hands on my breasts. He squeezed them, and said “hell yeah!” or something to that extent. I turned to one of my girlfriends and asked “……did that really just fucking happen?”. She replied, with a look that conveyed the same level of shock as I was experiencing, “yes”.
After going back to the locker room area, I informed the coach and captain of the Australian team of what had happened. They immediately contacted the event organisers, Team USA management, and the Men’s Roller Derby Association representative, who all sat and discussed the matter with me. Credit where credit is due — all parties involved in this process were prompt, sensitive and respectful in their response. While we could not identify who the perpetrator was, I was taken seriously, made to feel respected and valued, and was apologised to on behalf of Team USA. I would not fault the actions or sincerity of those involved in this discussion. The aftermath from the general roller derby community was somewhat different.
I began to hear on the derby grapevine (which is long, thorny and intertwined) about “some girl that says she got groped by Team USA”. The consensus among some people was that I (at this stage unidentified) was “overreacting”, especially because “the team are all upstanding, respectful men and they wouldn’t do this ever”. But here’s the thing — it IS the upstanding, “respectful” people that engage in this type of behaviour. It IS the coach who takes advantage of new skaters who are keen to make a good impression on them, perhaps by engaging in an extended hug which leads to inappropriate touching. It IS the married-with-children top-tier skater who would NEVER disrespect their spouse that, when fueled by booze, unties the bikini top of another skater, exposing them to the team. It IS the high-rotation jammer that offers coaching and physique support to up-and-coming skaters that pesters them to send intimate photos, even when the mentee expresses their discomfort.
We need to understand that everyone is capable of this type of behaviour. Especially in a sport where physical contact is integral to the game.
For those who have been harassed or assaulted in this community: I am sorry. I hear you. I believe you.